Me, myself, and I

This week wasn’t one of my best. I’ve always considered myself someone with unshakable joy – one of those people you probably hate in the morning. This past week I didn't feel that. In fact, I felt like one big mess, completely defeated and stripped of my usual state of elation.

I was overwhelmed with knowing I had to crank out a thesis on a programming project I haven’t even begun at the lab. I was upset because I’d failed miserably on the cake I’d tried to make for my best friend’s birthday. I was frustrated because I still had knee pain, preventing me from running my usual 6-mile morning runs and stressing my OCD and plan-oriented mind out. I was even more mad that I was being so selfish and acting like things were so rough. Amidst those small issues, I was unsure of the future and the “What if’s” began to flood my mind.  

Now, there’s one thing wrong with that paragraph above, and if you re-read it again, I bet you can figure it out. It’s “I”. I AM the problem. I started out every sentence in that paragraph with “I”.  Those anxieties, those worries, all those frustrations.. My focus wasn’t on anything in those moments, but myself. How would I possibly get through it all? How would I possibly run again? How would I possibly finish my research this summer? How would I possibly get out of the funk I was in?

I was focusing on me rather than focusing on Christ in me. Think about Peter. Peter was able to walk on water by faith, UNTIL he took his eyes off Jesus. He began to sink the moment his focus shifted from Christ to the storm that raged ahead. I think so often as we go about our days, with all our responsibilities and demands, troublesome relationships, ‘unfair’ situations, rude people, etc. we also can get in the nasty habit of taking our eyes off Christ.  It is here that we begin to go under. It is here when life becomes overwhelming. It is here where I begin to become overwhelmed and my joy is stripped from me.

So what do you do from here? This part is simple, yet for some reason we (as humans) have such a hard time doing it! It is dying to myself. It is dying to my flesh, my worries, my anxieties, my doubts, my fears. It is getting out of focusing on myself, and turning my focus on Christ. It is realizing that true fulfillment, joy, and peace of mind all happen when we focus on the Cross.

I didn’t come to this revelation or realize truly how unhappy I was this past week until I was in Church this morning. It was here that I realized that I was the problem. As worship started, I was completely overwhelmed and consumed with a joy and peace and fulfillment that I hadn’t felt this past week. And why? All I was doing was singing a couple songs, right? But, NO... it was so much more than that. It was turning my focus back on Christ. It was worshipping a God who had a plan for my life. It was worshipping the Maker of the Heavens and the Earth. It was recognizing that I was just a small part in a much bigger picture. It was saying, “God I don’t know what tomorrow brings, but I do know that as long as the focus is on YOU, I don’t have to be afraid.” Glorifying God gets me out of myself. When I sit back and remind myself that my sole purpose on this Earth is to glorify Christ, all my other worries seem to fade away. One of my absolute favorite promises in the Bible is this: 

I hope that you were encouraged today! Have a blessed week!