How am I ever going to make it through graduate school and finish my thesis by December? (I am terrible at writing papers)
What is the next fitness and diet plan I can go on to get even more extreme results?
What do I need in my closet to prepare for summer?
How many more supplies must I buy in order to make baked goods for next weekend?
It sounds silly, but when I tell you that these thoughts have engulfed my mind this week, I am not lying. This leads me to wonder why they continue to haunt my brain. While annoying, I am also incredibly thankful for these incessant thoughts. It leads me to ask myself a huge question that I must deal with.
Where does my hope lie? What defines me?
I would love to sit here and say that my hope is 100% rooted in Jesus Christ, but my fears and worries and lingering questions tell otherwise. It makes me ask myself an alarming question. Who would I be WITHOUT the engineering degree, without the fitness facade, or this season's latest fads? The truth is this world is ever-changing. The money eventually runs out, the clothes fade, and our bodies get weaker. It's something that terrifies me. I don't like to think of a future without "success". I must remind myself that in an ever-changing world, there is One that is constant. This is not an easy process. It seems like around every corner is something I am chasing in order to maintain my "identity" in this world. I am reminded of Isaiah 40:8
It is a reminder that all of the "stuff" we chase will fade away. Don't get me wrong - I think working hard is important. I also enjoy things like fitness, fashion, and baking. I believe these are all good things - things that God has put on this earth for us to enjoy. But, I think the problem arises when we place our hope in these things. These things do not define me and do not fulfill me. I know this because the more I find myself chasing them, the more I want; more money, better results, better clothes. There is never any true fulfillment in the things of this world.
This is such a hard thing for me to deal with. I find myself struggling daily with chasing after worldly things. It is just plain hard! What I must remind myself is the complete and utter joy that comes from Christ Jesus - a joy that I can't begin to explain to anyone in words. Things make me happy. Jesus makes me joyful. To anyone who knows what feeling I am talking about, being joyful is 98239823 times better than being happy. In Christ is where I must find my hope. Tomorrow I could be jobless, homeless, alone, and in the worst shape of my life, and I must continue to believe that I would be OK. I must continue to rest in Him and know that my hope comes only from our Savior. I hope you are having such a blessed Sunday! Know that you are loved passionately by Christ today.
