To die is gain

Lying in bed last night, I felt like a kid on Christmas Eve. I could hardly wait to wake up – I felt like I had a million thoughts running through my head. I couldn’t wait to wake up and see what God had in store for me, all the things He would show me.

See there is a backstory to this ‘revelation’. The past couple days I’d been struggling with a lot of doubt; Just doubt about God and His plan for my life. I was wondering why He wasn’t doing certain things and getting really frustrated with His timing. I know how difficult it can be trusting in the unseen. What bothered me even more was the fact I even doubted Him – it drove me crazy. It was something I didn’t want to deal with.

Ephesians 1:17-18 says this. “I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.”

So that I did. I Prayed he would open my eyes, and put in me a spirit of belief. The great thing about Jesus is that He died for ALL sins… not just some sins. That includes my own doubt. Isn’t that funny? Jesus forgives us EVEN when we doubt Him! I love that. So, anyways I was sitting at my sister’s yesterday, when I decided to open a book Jen Pinkner had given me. It was called “Don’t waste your life” by John Piper. I’d had it for several weeks, and to be honest, I’d kind of been avoiding it. I didn’t want to deal with facing hard questions. I didn’t want to think about the fact that everything I’d put my hope in up until this point was meaningless. I’ve told you before, I’m an optimist. I don’t like dealing with the “bad” of life, thinking about death and whatnot. I like to just go about my day. Before I knew it, I was through chapter 4 and I felt completely turned upside down… It was one of those "a-ha" moments, where something just clicks. Our God is so gracious, and He answered my Prayers. I felt the Spirit in a way I hadn't in a long time. It was one of those moments I find myself asking what I'd been doing my whole life! I wanted more. I wanted more God, more of His Word, more of His wisdom. I wanted to know what I could do to fully serve Him.

Nobody wants to think of their lives and the things they fill it with (other than Jesus) and think of it as meaningless. But isn’t it? I sit here and write this to you and reflect on the past year. The girl writing this today is not the same girl I was a year ago. And for that, I am thankful. There is no explanation for that besides Christ.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! 2 Corinthians 5:17

Sitting here I think on the things that I’d so prized. Shamefully, as I write this, I stare at a pair of 700 dollar shoes I’d asked for my birthday. I also think of how I’d made a huge deal of having to have a BMW to drive. Yuck. Even admitting these things to you, I am embarrassed. But, it was never enough. Eventually, I found myself thinking on the next pair I wanted to buy, or after getting my car, lusting after my sister’s new Mercedes. The worst part of it all is this had so been my dream.. I don't know, maybe it is yours. Ahh, the American dream. Graduate college, be successful, have the perfect marriage, gain as many things as you can, and in the midst of this, find happiness. But what about the day that I die? What about the day I stand before my Creator and give him an account of my life. “Look Lord. Look at all this STUFF that I got. Look at these pretty shoes and luxurious cars.” What use would it be to me then? That is the tragedy! That, I believe, is where I have wasted my life. So what now?

It order to start truly living, I must first die... to myself. The point to life IS Christ. Do I still struggle with wanting things? Absolutely. But, what I must learn is that this world that I see everyday is temporary. All of these things will pass. All of the trends, clothes, cars, money.. gone. Eternity is what I must fix my eyes on. Perhaps one of the most profound excerpts from John Piper says this,

“The essence of praising Christ is prizing Christ. Christ will be praised in my death, if in my death he is prized above life. Jesus said, ‘Whoever loves father and mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me’ (Matthew 10:37). When the hours comes for everything to be taken from us but Christ, we will magnify Him by saying ‘In him I have everything and more. To die is gain.’ If we learn to die like this, we will be ready to live. And if we don’t, we will waste our lives.”

WHOA. I don’t know about you, but that put something inside of me. Hear that statement again. “When the hours come for everything to be taken from us but Christ…” Yes, most of us have years to live before we go to live with Christ, but, what if we don’t? I don’t know about you, but I want to wake up each morning knowing how to truly live and knowing that all this stuff will get me nowhere. Don’t get me wrong - I love my life. But just think. How much more amazing and awesome and wonderful and fulfilling and fabulous is eternity going to be? I want to fully be able to think like Paul did every day and say “To live is Christ, and to die is gain”. (Philippians 1:21)