A runner's nightmare

I had a completely different blog written out two days ago. Then, something happened yesterday that I feel needs to be addressed. It’s amazing to me the ways God reveals lessons to me through the things of importance in my life. He does this because he KNOWS us – He knows our hearts, our struggles, our thoughts. I am blown away by His complexity.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.” Psalm 139:19

If you haven’t already put two and two together, I’m a huge psycho about fitness and nutrition - More so about fitness. I am human, and I do enjoy a HUGE bowl of puppy chow every now and then (you know, those DELICIOUS SUPER HEALTHY chex mix pieces covered in peanut-butter, chocolate, and powdered sugar). With fitness, however, I sometimes push myself way too hard. My 7-mile day runs can generally turn into 9-mile runs, despite the fact my legs are exhausted from the day before. And skipping a day? NO WAY. In fact, if you’ve been around me on a day I have missed a run, you may see a completely different side of me. It affects me.. way more than it should.

I am generally tired on my Wednesday morning runs because Monday is typically a 10 or 11 miler, and Tuesday may be a 5 or a 6. The normal person would tell you to take Wednesday as a rest day, but I’m stubborn and that just doesn’t work for me. Yesterday, I was tired. I was definitely not going to make it to 6, so 5 would have to cut it. About 4.5 miles, I felt a pain in my leg. Unfortunately, I kind of live by that “no pain, no gain” saying in athletics (thanks to my dad) so the pain would just have to wait a half a mile longer. As I hit 5, I basically wanted to collapse. It was a pain so debilitating, I hobbled out of the gym, knowing I’d pushed myself too far this time.

The rest of my day went as follows. After consulting Dr. Google, I had come to the conclusion that I pulled my ACL, had tendinitis, runner’s knee, jumper’s knee, shin splints, was going to have to have surgery, and would never run again. For future reference, I plead to you – don’t ever go to Google for medical advice. You’ll convince yourself of anything. After deciding my life as a runner was over in my head, I turned into a real jerk. I shut myself in my room, wallowed in self-pity, was rude to my mom and dad, and ignored phone calls from friends I knew were calling to encourage me. I was not only crippled physical, but I had been paralyzed mentally. I felt defeated, and to make matters worse I was mad about it, which in turn left me feeling selfish and shameful. My fear had completely overcome all of my faith. The next few hours were a battle of truths and lies.

“You’re never going to be able to run.”

“Trust me, Spenser”

“You’re going to get out of shape”

“My grace is sufficient for you, Spenser”

“You are weak now. You won’t be able to keep going”

“My power is made perfect in weakness”

“Better go ahead and cancel running that 5k with dad on Saturday”

“TRUST ME. I am with you. I will strengthen you”

And, that’s when it all hit me. I’d been putting my strength in myself! But, I was shown here that my own strength wasn’t really strength at all. I HAD to surrender it – I had to lay it down to Christ. Only then would I find rest in Him. I had to remind myself that running was great, fitness is great, but it is not where I place all my hope and confidence. It’s a gift that God has allowed me to do. To HIM be all the glory. It was just the perfect illustration that I couldn’t and wasn’t designed to rely on my own strength. I would need the strength of someone so much greater. It was also a reminder to listen to truth – to choose to believe that God’s truths are more than our feelings and our fears. Moving beyond believing in God to believing God by relying on His Words. It is a day-by-day, moment-by-moment decision to let God’s perspective redefine our own with each doubt we face.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

In case you are wondering, I woke up preparing myself to be disappointed because I would not be able to run. After using a foam roller, I ended up having a great workout by ellipticaling, cycling, and weight training. As I walked out of the gym, I realized that the pain in my right leg had subsided. Sitting here writing this now I can say that ALL pain is gone in my leg… completely. We serve an amazing God. I’m blown away, but how could I expect anything different? The same God that can move mountains, that holds the world in His hands, can do ANYTHING else. And we, you and I, IF you are a follower of Christ Jesus are strengthened with this incredible power. Because of this, we can do ALL things in Christ (Philippians 4:13).

“But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.” Hebrews 10:39

Be encouraged today! You are a child of God, and He has equipped you to do all things! He will never leave us on our own!

When the going gets tough, the tough go running

I’m a runner… in more ways than one; not just physically, but in my spiritual life as well. I blame this partly on the fact that I’m an extreme optimist. I see the good in people, in life, and I don’t like to think about the hard times, so I’d rather just run away from them. This is where I have been deceived. I have grown up thinking that life is one big carnival ride, filled with popcorn, amusement, laughter, and fun. And I still do! I love life! I think it is fun, and I greet pretty much every day like it's Disney World. However, I remember something I told someone in 7th grade about the Christian life. She was my best friend and my neighbor and I remember sitting her down and telling her about Christ. This is great, but I remember telling her these exact words. “Accept Christ as your Savior and life will be awesome from here on out. Everything will just work out!”

YES. Ok, I must admit.. I STILL believe this.. but in a different way. Do I think that my life has been amazingly changed by Jesus Christ? Absolutely. Do I think that He fills me with an unending supply of joy? Of course I do! How could I not? CHRIST picked me, loves me, and saved me from hell? How could I not be completely pumped about that every moment of every day??!

"You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name. "John 15:16

However, is life going to be amazingly perfect all the time? I’d like to think so sometimes, but unfortunately it isn’t! This is where I must stop and defend my basis for this thought. In growing up, I’ve been completely blessed in pretty much every aspect of my life. My dad had this joke growing up that God dubbed our family one of His favorites ( I still think this, by the way :) ). But, growing up, and ESPECIALLY through college, I really started to expect good things to happen to me. I expected to get my degree in nuclear engineering, I expected to get a job at the lab, I expected to get money from my parents ever month, I expected people to do things for me, I expected a luxury car, I expected for good things to work out for me in every way. I had a sense of entitlement, which I carried into my Spritiaul walk as well. I expected things from God. I expected peace of mine, no trials, no discomfort, no pain. I expected Him to provide me with all the things in life I needed AND wanted. I expected Him to fix things when they didn’t work out, and I expected Him to do that without me really having to put a whole lot of work in. This is where I had been deceived. I realized two things that are true that completely contradict my old way of thinking.

1. We as Christians are not going to have it easy 100% of the time, nor are we SUPPOSED TO. In fact, it is the opposite. We are not called to a life of ease and comfort. 1 Peter is a great illustration of this

"In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy." 1 Peter 1:6-8

2. We have got to rise up and do some of the work. I’m reading a book right now called “The Christian Solider”. It was written in 1978 by a cardiologist who surrendered his life to Christ (I kind of obsess over people like this because I so relate to the science mind and it always excites me when I hear of scientists and doctors who also believe in God). The whole book is based on Ephesians 6:10 and putting on the armor of God.

“Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.” Ephesians 6:10

Ephesians 6:10 is then followed with our struggle against the powers of darkness and how we MUST put on the armor of God. This is something I never understood until recently. I’d always had this mentality of “Let go and let God” and “Just hand it over to God”. WHAT?? NO! We must fight! This is a fight! Again, I parallel this to physical fitness, in particular running. Sometimes, I really don’t want to do it. I have days that I am just lazy. Am I going to get the results and endurance and distance I want by just sitting back and watching the treadmill? Heck no! Let me interrupt for a second. The good news is if you are in Christ Jesus, the battle is won. And yes, God does handle our problems, but WE also are called to action. We must put on the armor of God daily, because we must be ready to fight the devil’s schemes and lies. In the book, the author talks about how Ephesians 6:10 is a perfect blend of Christ’s power and our activity. The two are coupled together. THROUGH Christ’s power, we are to be strong. Hebrews 2:18 also displays the combination of the two.

“Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.” Hebrews 2:18

He doesn’t take the battle. Rather he helps them through the battle, having gone through all of this Himself. Likewise,

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. Romans 8:26

Here, we see the same idea. We do not “hand it over”, nor do we just sit silent. The Spirit helps us. Picture yourself trying to carry something really heavy, and staggering. The Spirit comes and He takes up the other end and together we carry it. He carries the burden with us.

That is why it is SO important to put on the armor. I myself have got to get out of this mindset that I can just sit back and watch and just go through this life without action. I must be ready for every temptation that comes my way, so that I can stand my ground and fight. When Satan attacks me with issues of anxieties, and weight, and image, and about a million other things that weigh me down, I WILL stand firm. I will make sure to wear the belt of truth to combat satan’s lies. I will wear the breastplate of righteousness. I will have ready feet. I will have the shield of faith. I will wear the helmet of salvation, and carry the sword of the Spirit. With these things, I can do ALL. Why? Because WITH Christ Jesus, we have power. Is that not the coolest thing you’ve heard all day??!! I hope today you are strengthened by the Power of HIS might ! :)