I had a completely different blog written out two days ago. Then, something happened yesterday that I feel needs to be addressed. It’s amazing to me the ways God reveals lessons to me through the things of importance in my life. He does this because he KNOWS us – He knows our hearts, our struggles, our thoughts. I am blown away by His complexity.
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.” Psalm 139:19
If you haven’t already put two and two together, I’m a huge psycho about fitness and nutrition - More so about fitness. I am human, and I do enjoy a HUGE bowl of puppy chow every now and then (you know, those DELICIOUS SUPER HEALTHY chex mix pieces covered in peanut-butter, chocolate, and powdered sugar). With fitness, however, I sometimes push myself way too hard. My 7-mile day runs can generally turn into 9-mile runs, despite the fact my legs are exhausted from the day before. And skipping a day? NO WAY. In fact, if you’ve been around me on a day I have missed a run, you may see a completely different side of me. It affects me.. way more than it should.
I am generally tired on my Wednesday morning runs because Monday is typically a 10 or 11 miler, and Tuesday may be a 5 or a 6. The normal person would tell you to take Wednesday as a rest day, but I’m stubborn and that just doesn’t work for me. Yesterday, I was tired. I was definitely not going to make it to 6, so 5 would have to cut it. About 4.5 miles, I felt a pain in my leg. Unfortunately, I kind of live by that “no pain, no gain” saying in athletics (thanks to my dad) so the pain would just have to wait a half a mile longer. As I hit 5, I basically wanted to collapse. It was a pain so debilitating, I hobbled out of the gym, knowing I’d pushed myself too far this time.
The rest of my day went as follows. After consulting Dr. Google, I had come to the conclusion that I pulled my ACL, had tendinitis, runner’s knee, jumper’s knee, shin splints, was going to have to have surgery, and would never run again. For future reference, I plead to you – don’t ever go to Google for medical advice. You’ll convince yourself of anything. After deciding my life as a runner was over in my head, I turned into a real jerk. I shut myself in my room, wallowed in self-pity, was rude to my mom and dad, and ignored phone calls from friends I knew were calling to encourage me. I was not only crippled physical, but I had been paralyzed mentally. I felt defeated, and to make matters worse I was mad about it, which in turn left me feeling selfish and shameful. My fear had completely overcome all of my faith. The next few hours were a battle of truths and lies.
“You’re never going to be able to run.”
“Trust me, Spenser”
“You’re going to get out of shape”
“My grace is sufficient for you, Spenser”
“You are weak now. You won’t be able to keep going”
“My power is made perfect in weakness”
“Better go ahead and cancel running that 5k with dad on Saturday”
“TRUST ME. I am with you. I will strengthen you”
And, that’s when it all hit me. I’d been putting my strength in myself! But, I was shown here that my own strength wasn’t really strength at all. I HAD to surrender it – I had to lay it down to Christ. Only then would I find rest in Him. I had to remind myself that running was great, fitness is great, but it is not where I place all my hope and confidence. It’s a gift that God has allowed me to do. To HIM be all the glory. It was just the perfect illustration that I couldn’t and wasn’t designed to rely on my own strength. I would need the strength of someone so much greater. It was also a reminder to listen to truth – to choose to believe that God’s truths are more than our feelings and our fears. Moving beyond believing in God to believing God by relying on His Words. It is a day-by-day, moment-by-moment decision to let God’s perspective redefine our own with each doubt we face.
“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
In case you are wondering, I woke up preparing myself to be disappointed because I would not be able to run. After using a foam roller, I ended up having a great workout by ellipticaling, cycling, and weight training. As I walked out of the gym, I realized that the pain in my right leg had subsided. Sitting here writing this now I can say that ALL pain is gone in my leg… completely. We serve an amazing God. I’m blown away, but how could I expect anything different? The same God that can move mountains, that holds the world in His hands, can do ANYTHING else. And we, you and I, IF you are a follower of Christ Jesus are strengthened with this incredible power. Because of this, we can do ALL things in Christ (Philippians 4:13).
“But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.” Hebrews 10:39
Be encouraged today! You are a child of God, and He has equipped you to do all things! He will never leave us on our own!
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