Anxiety is the best thing that ever happened to me

Anxiety is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Now before you say I’m crazy, let me explain myself. 

I am often deceived into thinking I have things under control. I have a life appearing close to perfect. I come from a home of two happily married-for-38-years parents. That is an anomaly. I have a degree that I had often thought was untouchable. I workout at the same time every morning and my meals come every 3-4 hours.

I have planning down to an art. My hope lies in a perfectly constructed planner. My hope rests in crossing things off of a list and feeling like I have it together.

This is a lie. But first, let me interject. It’s good to have plans. I am not saying you should live your life without any means of where you are going. But the problem comes when our hope lies in our own strength and ability to carry out those plans.

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps. Proverbs 16:9

Here is where I get real. I have lived an easy life. It is easy to post scripture and to speak the Word of God and play the Christian when things go according to plan isn't it? It is easy to speak God's promises when God continues to bless you in every way imaginable. But what happens when you literally have zero control of something? (Not that I ever did anyways, but I was deceived into thinking so).

That is why the anxiety has been so troublesome. That is why having panic attacks on the reg can be so frustrating, especially when I have every reason in the entire world to be anything BUT joyful and calm. First of all, I think that anxiety is a lie, but that doesn't make it any less troublesome. For people like me, it is very tangible.

Anxiety is defined on WebMD (because we ALL know I've been on it) :) as an "unpleasant state of inner turmoil". To me, I read this as anxiety is a heart issue.  Anxiety exposes our faith. It beckons the question, "What is your heart treasuring?" and "Who do you trust?" and "Where are you going to turn when you feel like you are losing absolute and complete control?" 

Yes, so I must examine those questions and I must choose where I am going to turn in order to alleviate myself of those feelings of anxiousness. Anxiety has stripped me of all of my strength. Being a person who has been able to control pretty much every aspect of my life, anxiety says, "You know what? You actually can't conquer this on your own. You can't run to exercise or alcohol or relationships or control or any temporary fix to take this away. In fact, you can only run to one thing and that is the Lord."

Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. 1 Peter 4:12-13

And that is where the real kicker comes. Because in reality, it's not about me. It's not about how many anxious thoughts come onto me during the day. It's not about how many panic attacks I fight through. No. It is about glory to God. It is about embracing anxiety and knowing that going through it is refining me to be more like Christ. That with HIS strength, anything can be conquered. 

So bring it on anxiety. I welcome you. Because in Christ, I remain unshaken.