Not so Nuclear: A pickin' & Grinnin' way of life

How different my life looks today than it did a year ago. I started this year’s spring break in Knoxville waking up, having a long run, and praising God every moment of that day. I started last year’s spring break binge drinking on the beach and landing myself straight into the emergency room at the end of the week. It is not a story that I like to tell, but it has a GREAT ending (maybe I shouldn’t call it an ending, because the truth is, God has just begun and is still writing my story every day).

If you had introduced the ME today to the ME of last year, I probably wouldn’t have believed my eyes. In fact, if you knew me a year ago, you’d probably know what I’m talking about. I have been a Christian since I was in 7^th grade. However, if you knew me in college, you probably would have thought otherwise. I was way off, in every area of my life. I came to God when I wanted to, and my actions didn’t reflect those of a person who was serving Christ. Because of this, I didn’t make the right choices, and I didn’t know how to properly love people. I knew how to love people (when it benefited me) but I was so focused on myself and my own selfish ambitions, that nothing else seemed to matter. I was blinded, and my heart was ugly.

I chased money, success, power, attention, self-worth, and indulgence in basically every area of my life. However, we serve a relentless God, a God that is constantly pursuing us. I will forever think back on Spring break 2011 as one of those moments where God said, “Ok Spense, enough is enough.” God broke me in every way possible on that trip. I came back afraid, broken, damaged, etc. etc. That trip stripped me of everything that I had once held high, but in particular, my pride, my self-worth, and so many broken relationships.

This week has been a hard week for me. When I think about last year at this time, it sends me into a sense of panic. However, in hind-sight, it was one of the best things that has ever happened to me. God’s hand was in all of it. God wasn’t going to let me go just to satisfy my own lustful desires. I am covered by the blood of Christ Jesus, and He wasn’t going to let me keep going through life missing out on all the things He had (HAS!) in store for me.

"But we ought always to thank God for you, brothers loved by the Lord, because from the beginning God chose you to be saved through the sanctifying work of the Spirit and through belief in the truth." 2 Thessalonions 2:13

Seriously, is that not such a sweet promise? Read those words in bold again. “God chose you.” That’s what I love the most about my salvation and my transformation over the past year. It was never up to me; it was never my decision. God pursued me like a roaring lion. God pursued me and loved me so much that I never had a choice, and for THAT I am forever amazed and grateful. I sit here and laugh as I write this. I think about how much of my life I had planned out a year ago. I think about all the things I chased in this life. I think about how I had all these plans to fill my closet full of 700 dollar shoes and drive around in a blacked out Range Rover. I think about the type of man I had in my head that I would marry. I think about the vast emptiness of the life I had planned for me, and how God had so much more in store.

I spent my Tuesday night of this week at a bluegrass get-together in an old school-house in Roane Co. called "Pickin' & Grinnin'" where almost every person present was over the age of 70. As I sat and listened to them pick away on guitars and banjos, I looked around at all the smiling faces around me. Again, I laugh. The “me” a year ago wouldn’t have ever imagined I’d be spending my spring break night sitting in Roane County amongst the elderly. But, as I sat there, taking in all the sights and sounds, I realized that this was what life was about – these moments, these people, these relationships. Laughing and talking with friends, and listening to bluegrass, and most importantly finding myself and fulfillment in a faithful God. I was stunned by His presence and His hand over my life. I wish I could fully explain to you just how I feel, captivated by God and His presence. As I continued to listen, I began to think about last year and how different I was. I think about how much God has transformed my heart. Then,, as I sat, deep in thought, my wandering mind was interrupted by the lyrics of the song the band had begun to play. I listened to the lyrics of the song. It went like this:

“A brand new heart. He gave me a brand new mind, a brand new heart”

And again, God was there. This is no coincidence. These things happen to me ALL the time now. I had no idea the life I was missing out on before. It seems like everyday God is allowing me to experience more of Him. I am even overwhelmed sometimes at the little things He shows me, and all the blessings He showers on me. I now have the capability to love people, REALLY love people, not just for my own satisfaction. God continues to open my eyes to all the gifts He has given me. I used to despise running. And if you knew me in college, I didn’t know the first thing about baking or cooking. I find it to be no coincidence that God has allowed me to find such joy in these things. IN fact, His Word promises us that.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world” Ephesians 1:3-4

Yall, Christ Jesus change my life. He changed my heart, my mind, and I will never be the same. Let Him do the same for you.